we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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