Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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