remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
