I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
