Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
jump out the window naked night went bad
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
