Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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