What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
