i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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