After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
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I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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