just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
