I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
