Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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