i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
