she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
