Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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