Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
