Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Come see our sink grown plant.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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