oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You're a waste of cheezeits
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
