Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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