She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
