She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.