Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
