Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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