the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
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You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
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Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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