this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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