The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
