Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
