butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
