i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
