I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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