Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
