If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Ketchup is God's man juice
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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