careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
