i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
