why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
