i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
