Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
