U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
