Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Holy shit dude........stairs
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
