That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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