I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You dont lie about slip and slides
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
