I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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