and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
