Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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