I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
