Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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