How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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