you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
