Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
