I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
