I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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