Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
