My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
