i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
