If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
