I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
