Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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