I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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