I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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