if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
