i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
