If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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