Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
