This is not my ceiling
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
