Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
