Pappa wants mamma naked
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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