I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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