After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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