mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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