i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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