Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
