i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My dick has a subreddit
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
