tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize