if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
