I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
