Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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