Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
