So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
