loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
