sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
