All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
